Blogger rant: Moving

I got tired of posting these rants to Blogger. There are quite a few things wrong with it.

One, I can't make the online videos from YouTube appear in the blog post. They're usually links.

WordPress lets me show videos.

Two, I can't copy or paste the text from or into the text box.

WordPress does it.

Three, Blogger gives me themes that look similar to ones on the Ning site I had when I went to Community College of Baltimore County.

WordPress has more definition and design on their templates.

Then again, I can't paste a picture into the design of a blog on WordPress and Blogger lets me do that, which is pretty cool.

It's like choosing a Mac or a PC. Macs don't have that many freeze ups and viruses. They also can retrieve a file in case you've accidentally deleted it. It's also easier to eject a USB drive.

But when I get on a Mac and I try converting MP4 files into AVI's using a media converting website, the window doesn't pop up telling me where I can save those files. PC is easier to work with.

That just gave me an idea for another rant! I should post that sometime.

Anyway, this blog is moving to WordPress for sentimental reasons. WordPress is the PC of blogs. No, Mac. Oh, it's a combination of the two!

Please see the new and improved Little Voice at http://rachelslittlevoice.wordpress.com/.

More posts to come, so look for it!

Rachel's Rant 3: Classes should be pushed another week

Honestly, I love snow days. I love taking a few days off from classes so I can take a hiatus from everything and sleep throughout the morning. I especially love being out when it's snowing so I can eat all of the snowflakes I want, like Linus and Charlie from the Charlie Brown cartoons.

The problem with taking a week off of classes is that it makes a complete disarray of a schedule when college students return to campus. I was going to do a feature story on Towson's Battle of the Bands event, but it was cancelled and moved to the night of the TigerTHON dance marathon that I wanted to go to. Additionally, some very mandatory appointments I had were cancelled. And when I received a message from my Feature Writing professor about an assignment on the snow, I didn't have enough time to pull it all together with all of the other things I had to make up for my classes.

Now, the Maryland state law requires all public schools to put another week of school at the end of the year after about five snow days or more. That includes elementary, middle, and high schools. However, the same thing does not go for colleges. Colleges are free to do whatever they want.

So, the University Registrar decides not to change the college schedule. Spring break is still from March 14-21 and the semester ends in the first two weeks of May.

This makes me a little concerned... and frustrated.

Why doesn't this campus have an extra week of classes? Think about it: most Towson students are paying for their education. Therefore, when a blizzard cancels school for a week, students just wasted their money on doing absolutely nothing except sleeping, drinking, shoveling or playing in the snow. And in this economy, wasting money on empty days with no classes is a shame.

If we had an extra week, that money would be put to good use.

Also, when students get back to campus, they are overwhelmed with all of the work they have to make up for. The professors have to do the same because now they have to reschedule everything and work twice as hard on getting everything together.

If commencement and final exams were delayed another week, students and staff would have more time to get those goals and assignments accomplished without pulling all nighters. Everything would be spread out over time.

Without all nighters, students wouldn't have so many sleep problems and nobody would be tired. I wouldn't have a wandering mind late in the afternoon because with a full night's sleep, I would feel well rested and alert. I wouldn't be reaching for the black tea.

In the end, there would be fewer difficulties, more sleeping, less all nighters and less worrying. And while somebody's at it, can someone please move spring break to where it should be- around Easter weekend when it is spring? Because it isn't spring until March 23, which is when everyone goes back to class after spring break.

It's absolutely ridonculous.

Response to note: Life is tough but fair, so take it easy

This is a response to a note that Towson University police found in the University Union Friday afternoon. The anonymously written note and the article along with it are in the latest issue of the Towerlight.

Dear anonymous,

I've read your note and you sound really truly convinced that life really stinks. I don't blame you. Things can get very complicated every now and then. And yes, we are one in this world.

My father was unemployed for the first half of the year before he finally got a job. The bills, especially our medical (because all three of us- my parents and I- are all on medication and seeing different doctors), are at an all time high. My father has asthma and high blood pressure; I have anxiety difficulties. I can't stop worrying, although I'm trying to counteract it with a whole lot of therapy and medicine.

But here's a lifeline to you: If you plan to kill yourself, think twice. Think about everything that you're going to miss out of college. Think about everything in detail. Is it really worth it?

You only have one life to live. Is the world and all of these problems worth killing yourself over? If I was in your position, I wouldn't commit suicide; I would get help from someone I trusted.

And if you wanted to help others, you should get involved on campus and do some community service. You could maybe join a non profit organization and do something to benefit the world, like Invisible Children or UNICEF. You could even get some people together and petition the government so you can make a difference. But don't hurt yourself; it won't do anyone any good. It won't do the world any good because that's one more person to die here. Suicide is not a good thing. To me, it's more like a waste of life.

Think about your situation this way: if your life is such a mess right now, you've probably hit rock bottom. It's hard for me to say this because I mostly think things for me will only get worse, but once things get that bad, they can only get better. If you're in hell right now, trust me, something is going to happen that will get you out of that tight spot.

After all, you're in college, getting the best education of your life. There are many people who don't have a college degree or a great college experience. You're not starving in a poor third world country and you're not in a terrible community. There are so many people and resources here that can help you.

Now, I'm not too impressed with this college too much and I'm upset that this economy and the issues today are putting pressure on everyone, including my family. But seriously, there are other people in this world who have worse problems than you do. You can blame everything on the world, but killing yourself is not going to solve any problems.

I'm assuming that you have friends, so I'd say go to them and tell them how you feel about everything. They are there to help you. That's what friends are for.

Other than that, life is fair. Everything happens for a reason, no matter how stupid or outlandish it can get.

You're just in a tough spot and you think that death is the only way out. In high school I tried to kill myself because I used to think those same things that you do and I thought everyone at school hated me. Then I realized that there were people who cared about me and I just have several dilemmas I needed to sort out. I knew there was something wrong with me and I got help. You can do the same.

If I died, I would have never gone on to college, I wouldn't have participated in LeaderShape 2009, I wouldn't have met so many people and had the time of my life. I wouldn't have celebrated my twenty first birthday, I wouldn't have done any community service work with children in Baltimore City when I went to CCBC, and I wouldn't have been secretary of student government before transferring to Towson. I also wouldn't be pursuing my dream of becoming a writer.

Those kinds of things are what you could be missing later on.

If that doesn't help, turn to music, which is what I do all the time. Take these words from KT Tunstall in the song "Heal Over": "It doesn't take a genius to realize that sometimes life is hard. It's gonna take time, but you'll just have to wait. You're gonna be fine."

Everything is going to be better, I promise. Don't hurt yourself, sweetheart. There are so many things ahead of you that could make your life worthwhile and can benefit the world around you at the same time. Every person counts.

I just hope I'm not too late to give you this message.

Most Regards,
The Little Voice

Rachel's Rant 2: Fans need to be sedated

I always look back at the Ramones when I think about becoming famous. I do have some fantasies of becoming a famous singer or a rock bandmate, but I rethink it every time.

My mom has a DVD of The Ramones' performances, backstage footage and news clips about the punk rock band. There is some secret footage that was never released: a video clip from Brazil, I believe, where The Ramones were trying to leave some place. There was a crowd of fans that stretched all the way down the street and they were blocking the exit of the parking lot. Some security guards tried to make the fans move out of the way, but they didn't budge. So the driver decided to slowly move into the crowd down the streets.

The screaming fans still didn't leave. They kept banging on the car and standing in the band's presence. The sounds of bodies colliding with the car were loud enough to be picked up by the cameraman's microphone.

Bands are only made up of humans, not gods. I still want to shout at the fans and tell them to stop acting crazy. They still do. Fans can be extremely crazy, proclaiming that all artists and celebrities are immortal beings that can do anything they please. Then again, look at Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger. Look at Joey Ramone. They aren't immortal beings; they are just as human as the rest of us.

Why all of this commotion? Shortly following a Fall Out Boy concert in April, I was excited to perhaps go backstage or somewhere behind the pavillion at Merriweather, hoping to get an autograph and talk to a couple band members before going home. I was going to see if Fall Out Boy was around to sign my copy of my favorite album Folie a Deux and just talk to them briefly about the concert and music in particular.

However, I wasn't going to lose my cool about it. I would have been super excited, but not crazy; I would hold myself down. I did see a few girls (who seemed to be teenagers) out the corner of my eye as I was leaving, after getting off the phone with my parents and finding it hard to move past the Merriweather staff. The girls were chatting excitedly as if they've just been shot with a high voltage electric jolt.

"Oh my God," one girl cried. "How did you get that signed?!"

"My mom went back there..." another girl said, breathing heavily with excitement. She said that her mother went back to the staff to ask for an autograph for her daughter and she got one.

"Oh my God, let's all go!" the third girl yelled. I tried to run after them across the field, but my exhaustion caught up with me fast. It was around 11 p.m. in Columbia, Md., my throat was hurting from screaming and singing along and I couldn't wait to go to bed. So I left the pavillion with my ticket as my only souvenir and without an autograph.

I still wish that I went over there to get one, but I didn't want my parents to be upset that they had to wait for me and they backed up traffic for doing that. At least I had a good time, that's all I can say.

But do you see how stupid those "fangirls" were acting? I try my best to strive away from that. In fact, all people should not be acting like that.

Here's a guide on how to ace your encounter or interview with a band or famous person-

1.) When you meet them, stay calm, collected and poised.

2.) If you get a chance to talk to them, stick to two topics: the concert and their music. Try to come up with other things that you could discuss just a little bit about those two topics. If it's someone else famous, just stick to what they've done and maybe ask them questions about it.
Example- If I met my favorite actor Orlando Bloom (from my all time favorite movie Pirates of the Caribbean I), here's what I'd ask him:
What did you love about doing a pirate movie like that?
What kinds of films are you drawn to when it comes to acting?
What drives you? What motivates you?

3.) Don't be a sleaze. Bands and artists don't care if you want to marry them or if you think so-and-so is cute.

4.) Don't talk too much. The band wants to leave and take a nap for the night. It's been a long concert, after all! So don't go on and on about your dog, your life, and how you're so obsessed with them. You know why? THEY DON'T CARE! Just be brief.

5.) Don't go up to them drunk. Limit your alcohol. One drink does the trick for me, which is why I don't drink often, more like once in a while. Once I down a daiquiri in less than an hour, I will feel tipsy and I might fall right over. I will also feel a rushed feeling like an electric jolt, which to fangirls, may increase the insanity. That could happen to you if you drink before talking to them. Your drunkenness is not attractive, no matter how many beers you've had. Try to stay sober, especially if you're underage.

6.) If you're too nervous to talk, just go up to them and get the autograph. But don't be too afraid to say, "Hey! Could you sign this for me?" Do it and go.

7.) If you see them in a hurry to leave, leave them alone. Just turn around and go. Don't torment them to death. They have lives, you know.

8.) Do not catch the band in the bathroom for autographs. That's a really bad time.

9.) Finally, scream after you have already left them. Prefferably when you're alone with your friends.

Watch the movie Notting Hill, there is a part in the film where Hugh Grant's character William takes Julia Roberts to his friends' house to celebrate his sister's birthday. His friends handle it all very well until after Roberts leaves the house after the party's over. Then all of William's friends start screaming, not believing that they met a real famous actress. Try to do just that.

Just hold off on the excitement until they're gone. Then go insane.

Other than that, don't go crazy in front of them. Easy on the sugar and the caffeine. And please, don't go up to them completely wasted.

Or I'll find you. Just kidding! :)

It happened

Unbelievable. Carrie Wood finally resigned. I heard it from someone at the interest meeting for the radio station XTSR and I broke my boycott of the paper by picking up a copy of the Towerlight.

I guess it's my turn to say "what goes around comes around", but I won't. When I heard the news, I was shocked, a little happy, saddened, and empathetic. I read the Towerlight statement and Wood's final statement straight through quickly as I made my way to find dinner at Newell Dining Hall. I thought it would never happen, but it did. And the best part is, the reason for her resigning has nothing to do with me.

She quit because she allowed a sex columnist to get published there every week. She could have let some other columnist take the spot, such as the "Your a Idiot" column or someone else's column that didn't provide any graphic information. The anonymously written blog/column "The Bed Post", according to the campus paper statement, was addressing a "sensitive topic" and contained sexual details. Because of that, the University President Robert Caret sent Wood an email last Wednesday and Wood responded in the worst way.

She described in her statement that she acted in complete panic. "I responded out of feelings of fear and of being threatened," she wrote. "In my response, passages were worded in such a way that made it look as if I was throwing my staff under the bus and pushing the responsibility for the column on them."

The paper said it was possibly a mistake, publishing the sex column, but this has been going on for almost a month. The editor and staff could have looked at Lux's work intensively and thought about it. They could have realized that it would be unethical and bad taste to publish her columns.

Then again, this somewhat does have to do with First Amendment rights. In my Media Law class, I learned that there have been lawsuits between high school papers and the school's administrators. Supreme Court ruled that public school administrators can tell what the papers can and cannot publish. But not college papers; college papers are protected by the Constitution.

Still, pornography is still a major issue; it was distasteful to publish that at this time. Someone should have thought of that.

It was a wise decision for her to leave her position and write a statement explaining the situation. If I was in her shoes, I would have panicked, too; I would have had another anxiety attack. But I wouldn't place blame on other staff members. When it comes to publishing explicit content, it's usually the editor's fault as well as the production's fault. The editor should have realized that it was wrong to publish it and she wouldn't have been in danger.

Thank God it wasn't because of me. I'm happy just for that. I don't want to be the reason for her leaving the position. I would have felt that everyone at the paper hates me because I would have done it and I'd suddenly become the enemy. I don't want to be the enemy.

The sadness that I feel is because I still can't work there at the paper since I'm still on University probation. That, and I feel that my writing dream is now slowly dying of cancer. It's not because of Carrie Wood, it's because of me as a person.

I get too emotional when I get rejected or someone yells at me. I always have a fear of it and I end up losing control when that happens. However, I am constantly reminded with the fact that reporters and writers get rejected and yelled at all the time. Some readers don't like particular articles that they sometimes go up to the writers and scream at them about it.

Because I can't take those responses very well; maybe I shouldn't be a writer at all. Then again, I'd have to see what the psychiatrist says and how I'll react to medication. Still, I feel like I should never write for that newspaper ever again. Besides, some of the articles and opinion pieces are wrong or they just disappoint me.

Moderately bummed

I was looking at my former Journalism professor's profile on the home page of Towson's Mass Communications Department and I heard about a workshop coming up on October 9 from 9:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. It was called "High School Journalism Day" taking place here on campus (specifically in the University Union) and it had workshops on taking a publication to the Internet and beyond.

It all sounds very cool and I'd love to be a part of it since I'm a Journalism major. There are just a few baby hiccups: the deadline was on September 23, which has already passed, the registration fee was $20 (the same amount for my membership dues for the television station WMJF), and I would be interfering with the Towerlight, which means I'd be in violation of my University probation.

Now if I had already talked about my idea to start my own publication to Dr. Spaulding and my current teacher Jenny Atwater before that deadline, why didn't they tell me about this? And more importantly: if I had only just held myself down instead of letting my jitters, my angst and jelousy get the best of me, I wouldn't be on University probation right now.

Then again, it's probably for high school students only, which might be why it was "High School Journalism Day".

I'm definitely not going to that. And I mean it. Besides, I have class that day and I need to pay my dues to the television station soon. I also have a lot of other things on my mind, like speaking about possible medication to a psychiatrist and an on campus counselor in addition to my off-site therapist, writing articles for Prof. Atwater's class and FMOE (for my own experience), finding assignments for WMJF reporters, and cleaning my room at home.

Yes, my room needs cleaning. There are so many papers, books and folders cluttering up the right side of my room in front of my teeny tiny desk from Ikea that has a poor excuse for a bookshelf. The small space at the bottom of it isn't even enough for all of the books and papers I have. So I need to downsize the amount of stuff that I have already.

Still, looking at the website made me feel depressed. I can't go over to that office for the next year and I would love to write there, just not for the current Editor in Chief.

On the bright side, I'm an assignment editor for the television station and I'm possibily going to help the campus online radio station XTSR. I'm not sure what will happen later in the semester or my junior year for that matter, but I'll wait around for now.

It keeps going, and going, and going...

The anxiety relapse is starting to fade a little, but I think it's still there.

I'm prioritizing more often. I'm thinking about things that I should look at now instead of looking to the future too often. It's been two weeks since I visited the Towerlight, which is great. I'm starting to feel tired a little earlier in the evening.

But it still bugs me. This morning, I drank a very light cup of green tea that didn't have so much caffeine in it, but I still got a tiny bit of nervousness because of it. I still fidget in class.

In Political Science, I worry every single day that I'm not doing a good job at taking notes for the class. (I'm a notetaker for Disability Support Services.) But my professor reassures me that I'm doing a good job and I shouldn't worry so much.

My pulse quickens when I realize I may have left out something my professor said on the homework that we needed to do for an assignment. Then as soon as I'm done fixing the assignment, I can't feel sleepy until 11:30 or midnight. I also think about how behind I am in my project to start my own campus publication and it always concerns me.

So today, I have a very hard time with switching off my brain. All of a sudden, I've felt this energy boost, like when I drink a glass of champagne or a strawberry daiquiri. There are all of these things that I can't get off my mind that I feel like I won't be able to find the time to get a nap since I've only had six and a half hours of sleep last night.

I talked to a psychologist yesterday at Glen Esk (the campus Counseling Center) to arrange an appointment. He said that with how I've explained my situation, along with the way Susan Willemin has explained it as well, he might refer me to a psychiatrist. And later on, I would need to see him and the psychiatrist more often, but not normally once a week. So I would be juggling appointments with an on campus psychologist, my therapist, Mrs. Willemin, and a psychiatrist on top of everything else I have to deal with at school and home.

I don't think I'll make the time for that! I have a lot of things on my mind already. Then again, it might help me. It is rather important, though I want to get involved on campus and do something that will benefit both me and the community.

Also, I still have a couple more problems with medication that still concerns me. As soon as I graduate in 2011, I will no longer be on my parents' health insurance plan. Thus, I may have to discontinue use of medication after I leave Towson, which may cause a crash. I additionally don't want to be dependent on it.

In addition, I just found out that Buspar, which I may be elligible for, may not be as effective as other medications. So I would have to start on something a little stronger, such as Valium or an antidepressant like Lexapro, just not a strong potency of it. I'm still a little scared of taking any of it because of the side effects and the risks of dependency and death.

Also, I'm afraid I'll lose my enthusiasm and cheerfulness. The same kind of excited feeling I get when I'm upset, I feel it when I'm very happy and perky. Sometimes people tell me to tone down my cheerfulness, but most of the time my perky feelings cheer up everyone around me. I don't want to lose that.

It hasn't gone away completely. I'm still very worried. And worry and fear always stare me in the face every day.

Like the Energizer bunny, the anxiety just keeps going, and going, and going, and going..... Only, the energy boosts are just a bit "on and off again".