Rachel's Rant 2: Fans need to be sedated

I always look back at the Ramones when I think about becoming famous. I do have some fantasies of becoming a famous singer or a rock bandmate, but I rethink it every time.

My mom has a DVD of The Ramones' performances, backstage footage and news clips about the punk rock band. There is some secret footage that was never released: a video clip from Brazil, I believe, where The Ramones were trying to leave some place. There was a crowd of fans that stretched all the way down the street and they were blocking the exit of the parking lot. Some security guards tried to make the fans move out of the way, but they didn't budge. So the driver decided to slowly move into the crowd down the streets.

The screaming fans still didn't leave. They kept banging on the car and standing in the band's presence. The sounds of bodies colliding with the car were loud enough to be picked up by the cameraman's microphone.

Bands are only made up of humans, not gods. I still want to shout at the fans and tell them to stop acting crazy. They still do. Fans can be extremely crazy, proclaiming that all artists and celebrities are immortal beings that can do anything they please. Then again, look at Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger. Look at Joey Ramone. They aren't immortal beings; they are just as human as the rest of us.

Why all of this commotion? Shortly following a Fall Out Boy concert in April, I was excited to perhaps go backstage or somewhere behind the pavillion at Merriweather, hoping to get an autograph and talk to a couple band members before going home. I was going to see if Fall Out Boy was around to sign my copy of my favorite album Folie a Deux and just talk to them briefly about the concert and music in particular.

However, I wasn't going to lose my cool about it. I would have been super excited, but not crazy; I would hold myself down. I did see a few girls (who seemed to be teenagers) out the corner of my eye as I was leaving, after getting off the phone with my parents and finding it hard to move past the Merriweather staff. The girls were chatting excitedly as if they've just been shot with a high voltage electric jolt.

"Oh my God," one girl cried. "How did you get that signed?!"

"My mom went back there..." another girl said, breathing heavily with excitement. She said that her mother went back to the staff to ask for an autograph for her daughter and she got one.

"Oh my God, let's all go!" the third girl yelled. I tried to run after them across the field, but my exhaustion caught up with me fast. It was around 11 p.m. in Columbia, Md., my throat was hurting from screaming and singing along and I couldn't wait to go to bed. So I left the pavillion with my ticket as my only souvenir and without an autograph.

I still wish that I went over there to get one, but I didn't want my parents to be upset that they had to wait for me and they backed up traffic for doing that. At least I had a good time, that's all I can say.

But do you see how stupid those "fangirls" were acting? I try my best to strive away from that. In fact, all people should not be acting like that.

Here's a guide on how to ace your encounter or interview with a band or famous person-

1.) When you meet them, stay calm, collected and poised.

2.) If you get a chance to talk to them, stick to two topics: the concert and their music. Try to come up with other things that you could discuss just a little bit about those two topics. If it's someone else famous, just stick to what they've done and maybe ask them questions about it.
Example- If I met my favorite actor Orlando Bloom (from my all time favorite movie Pirates of the Caribbean I), here's what I'd ask him:
What did you love about doing a pirate movie like that?
What kinds of films are you drawn to when it comes to acting?
What drives you? What motivates you?

3.) Don't be a sleaze. Bands and artists don't care if you want to marry them or if you think so-and-so is cute.

4.) Don't talk too much. The band wants to leave and take a nap for the night. It's been a long concert, after all! So don't go on and on about your dog, your life, and how you're so obsessed with them. You know why? THEY DON'T CARE! Just be brief.

5.) Don't go up to them drunk. Limit your alcohol. One drink does the trick for me, which is why I don't drink often, more like once in a while. Once I down a daiquiri in less than an hour, I will feel tipsy and I might fall right over. I will also feel a rushed feeling like an electric jolt, which to fangirls, may increase the insanity. That could happen to you if you drink before talking to them. Your drunkenness is not attractive, no matter how many beers you've had. Try to stay sober, especially if you're underage.

6.) If you're too nervous to talk, just go up to them and get the autograph. But don't be too afraid to say, "Hey! Could you sign this for me?" Do it and go.

7.) If you see them in a hurry to leave, leave them alone. Just turn around and go. Don't torment them to death. They have lives, you know.

8.) Do not catch the band in the bathroom for autographs. That's a really bad time.

9.) Finally, scream after you have already left them. Prefferably when you're alone with your friends.

Watch the movie Notting Hill, there is a part in the film where Hugh Grant's character William takes Julia Roberts to his friends' house to celebrate his sister's birthday. His friends handle it all very well until after Roberts leaves the house after the party's over. Then all of William's friends start screaming, not believing that they met a real famous actress. Try to do just that.

Just hold off on the excitement until they're gone. Then go insane.

Other than that, don't go crazy in front of them. Easy on the sugar and the caffeine. And please, don't go up to them completely wasted.

Or I'll find you. Just kidding! :)